Can You Have it All

And Why you Shouldn't Try

As people with an achievement focus and who we want to fulfil our lives with many activities, we often find ourselves with many focuses and goals and then are not sure of how to achieve it all. We all live with a finite time available each day and if we have multiple aspects to of lives can we achieve it all.

Is it possible to commit to many things and do them well. For instance can you have demanding full time employment and deep relationships with those you love. And also find time to have a fitness or movement practise or practises, creative endeavours, a mindfulness practise and live out your purpose.

We can certainly commit to many activities and achieve a balanced life at them all. To achieve true contentment in our life though we should look at the activities we commit to through our identity. And ask, does attempting to have a life that ‘has it all’ allow you to commit to this identity. When we seek our identity, we seek alignment of our actions to our values. Because ultimately your identity is shaped by the patterns you live, the standards you keep, and the choices you repeat. The choices you repeat become habits. When you notice what matters to you and decide what you will stand for especially when it’s uncomfortable. These small, deliberate actions performed consistently reflect your values. Over time, behaviour becomes belief and belief becomes self-trust. And your consistent habits reflect who you are, whether you like it or not. We are what we do, not what we say we want to do.

I have a friend, her identity is found in the practise of yoga. She practises everyday, without fail. When I asked her recently why she practised everyday she said ‘Yoga is my life, it will accompany me everyday until I gracefully pass away.” She also does other activities in her life, enjoys the outdoors, running and travel. It’s a balanced life and she can enjoy many things but the constant is yoga and her identity is found through yoga and she is true to her purpose and passion because she commits to yoga consistently. It doesn’t ever feel like a chore, it feels like her identity. This friend could try and do more in her life if she wanted, but this could take away time for yoga, time away from her identity and time away from her true passion.

Often we try and do it all. I’ve been in this position where I wanted to commit to long distance running and the time required to prepare properly and compete in ultra marathon events while also doing my psychology degree, working full time and still be a good parent and husband. While I tried my best to make it all work and be the best I could at all, ultimately I fell down in some areas. My focus would not be able to contend with it all consistently. I’d be too tired after my long runs to be effective when I studied, or I’d skip runs when I had assignment deadlines starring me in the face. All the while I was less efficient as a parent or at work measured to the standards I set for myself. Ultimately I hadn’t quite found my true identity and needed to step away from some of these at times to see what kept coming back consistently.

If you try to have it all, you’ll be able to commit to a lot and while you have willpower and motivation, you’ll be able to achieve these things. When motivation wanes and you miss a day here or there look at what keeps happening and where you fail to show up. Where you keep showing up is where you need to be focused. You’ll have to let things go, you’ll have to give up on things you wanted to do. But you’ll find your true identity in the process and this is where we should be focused.

This is why you can have it all, but why you shouldn’t try. You should find your identity and who you want to become and then take the actions required to become this person. If you want to be someone who identifies yourself through yoga and the beauty of this practise, do yoga everyday and build a consistent practise. If you are energised every time you step on the mat, you’ve found your activity. If you dread every time, your identity is somewhere else.

Where are you focusing your time consistently?